Loathing, tears and a leaky bladder.

Due to lack of education on Menopause, many women consider their early 40's 'too early' to be experiencing menopausal symptoms, this honest account of one womans story show this just isnt the case.

I never thought about the menopause until I was in my mid 40’s and I would get teary over the slightest thing and a friend of mine said, maybe it’s the menopause?? I thought, what?? I’m only in my 40’s that’s for women older than me.

I have been on the contraceptive pill for most of my adult life , as a teenager the stomach cramps and excessive bleeding were severe so going on the pill was the answer. When I turned 40 the pill I was on was changed and my periods stopped completely so if I was going to be hitting the menopasue I wouldn’t have noticed that symptom. I didn’t want to come off the pill, the fear of becoming a mother at that age still frightened me tremendously, I’ve never wanted to be a mother!

Anyway after my friend mentioned it at my next pill check up I mentioned it to the nurse and the response I got may or may not surprise you. ‘You’re a bit young and you’d have to make an appointment with the doctor, come off the pill for 3 months and then you could be checked’. Well I wasn’t going to do that!

I carried on...

In 2015 I went on holiday with some girlfriends that have been in my life for 20+ years, I’d not been away for more than a weekend without my husband since we were married in ’97. On the 2nd day of the holiday 3 of us went to the supermarket and I stood outside waiting for the others, I came over really hot, well we were in Turkey, and just started to cry. I had no idea what was wrong with me, there were various things that we talked about, being away for the first time in a very long time with or without my husband, the heat, the switchoff from normality, missing home, all those things. Not once was the menopause mentioned.

My libido was reduced, my emotions were shot and god forbid someone should critisise me or even be nice to me without a box of tissues at the ready. I put this down to stress, my job was intense and at the time there was a lot of travelling so I got cranky and tired and needed a lot of time on my own.

I carried on...

In 2019 I lost my best friend who was only 54, she was a loving caring woman who I missed dreadfully, of course I was an emotional wreck, I didn’t want 2020 to come, I didn’t want to go into the new year without her, I didn’t want to celebrate my 50th birthday without her but by god did it come!

In comes 2020!

The year I turn 50!

The pandemic!

 I’d started with a sensitive bladder the year before, so early 2020 I made an appointment at the doctor and asked about the menopause. They did a blood test without me having to come off the pill and a week later they called to say my hormone levels were sky high and could have been that way for a while!!

I was definitely in the menopause.

It was a relief to have this confirmation, I could put my loathing of my husband down to something , the anger, the tears and the leaky bladder. (I don’t loathe him I love him to pieces but some days!!)

I haven’t suffered with traditional symptoms like hot sweats, I get night sweats, my palms and soles of my feet feel like they’re on fire sometimes. I can’t say thing are better, the emotional outbursts are less frequent, I don’t have a great libido and maybe I need to go back to the Doctor and stop being so, yes I’m fine thanks and have an out pouring.

The only advice I have for anyone else is to insist they do the blood tests regardless of age, they can obvioulsly be done without coming off the pill so get the test and then you know. You don’t always get the traditional symptoms so if after 40 things just don’t seem right, sex feels different or you have to plan a trip where you know there will be toilet facilities, get tested!

Keywords: loathing, anger, tears, menopause, sensitive bladder, emotions, peromenopause, hormones,

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