A New Year: A Different Resolution

A new year brings a new, clean and fresh start. However rarely do we consider making a change in our lives that allows us to complete with the grief, pain and heartbreak we are carrying with them.

What are you going to give up this year?  What am I going to change in my life as the New Year starts?  Maybe have a healthier lifestyle?  Or drink less alcohol?  Exercise more?  Plan a dream holiday?  We all hear constant chatter from our friends and colleagues about new year resolutions at the end of one year comes to an end and the new one dawns.  A new year brings a new, clean and fresh start.  However rarely do we consider making a change in our lives that allows us to complete with the grief, pain and heartbreak we are carrying with them. 

For people who are grieving the start of a new year can be a difficult one.  The end of one year and the start of a new one does not signify a massive change or a hope for something positive and fun filled.  We are faced with the constant reminder, during the Holiday Season, that our loved one are missing and the togetherness of others just compounds the sense of grief and loss we feel. Friends and relatives are looking to make changes to their lives, and for a griever, there is not much to look forward to. Our loved ones are still not there and the feelings of being heartbroken still remains. A change of year makes no difference.

Whilst most people will make resolutions around weight loss, exercising more or drinking less.  They want to get rid of old less positive habits and promote a healthier lifestyle.  Maybe a better resolution for us would be the resolution to deal with grief and impact that this has on our lives.

The Grief Recovery Method highlights the fact that very few people are ever educated in how to cope and deal with grief that has been caused by any form of emotional loss.   Whilst most people equate grief and feelings of loss to the death of a loved one, there are over 40 different life events that can cause feelings of grief.  These events can be a bereavement of a loved one, the loss of a job, loss of control, end of romantic relationship, loss caused by lockdown or loss of trust.  In other words, anything that causes a change and ending of something familiar.

 We are never sat down as children and have loss explained to us.  Instead we learn how to cope, via trial and error, when an emotional loss hits us.

We hear people passing on advice, or pearls of wisdom, to us including “be strong”, “at least they are not suffering now” or “there are plenty more fish in the sea.” “They were never right for you” or “the best is yet to come” and “everything will be alright in the end” or “it all takes time.”  All of these comments are very intellectual and seem logical but they never help our hearts to cope with the loss event we are facing.  The words don’t heal our  broken heart.

They certainly don’t help a child or adult to move beyond the pain they are feeling or the loneliness they are coping with.  These messages simply cause us to internalise the feelings of loss we have and teach us to not share the feelings of loss we have.  These messages sub-consciously tell us that we shouldn’t be feeling lonely or sad, that others’ feelings of grief are more important than our own and with the passing of time we will be fine.  These comments don’t require us to do anything; they require us to be passive and not act to make a positive change in our lives.   They encourage us to hold onto the emotional pain we have and make it part of the rest of our lives. The pain eventually starts to overshadow any of the joy the relationship once brought us.

However, you can make a change that will help you complete with your loss.  You can heal a broken heart. It just requires the right actions.   The Grief Recovery Method provides those right steps and actions.

There are steps that can be taken to help you deal with grief and emotional loss. Much of the pain we feel comes from unsaid or undelivered communication.  They things we wish we had or had not done or said.  Things we wish had been better, had more of or wanted to have been different with the relationship.   Whilst you cannot go back on time to change what happened, you can learn to not wish for a different yesterday and deal with the pain that loss brings by learning to take emotional action to deal with the feelings.

The Grief Recovery Method, which is a scientifically proven programme, was created over 40 years ago to help people take and make the right actions that would allow them to make effective and life-changing progress.  It is a step-by-step process that helps someone uncover the incomplete and undelivered communication in a relationship and to deal with the emotional pain left.  This process provides you with the tools that allow you to reclaim happiness and to end the emotional pain associated with the loss you face.

 I know that this method works! Over a five year period during my late teens and early 20s, I lost most of my immediate family including my grandparents, the sudden death of my father whilst I was studying abroad and the tragic suicide of my godmother. I somehow muddled through my losses, graduated from university, started by new job and entered a series of disastrous relationships all in the belief that time would heal my broken heart and I would feel better at some point. I never realised that I made sub-conscious choices that meant I would never get close to people because I could never face having my heart broken again behind repair. My unresolved grief impacted on my life in many ways including issues with weight, bouts of ill health, lack of self-esteem and belief and had a negative impact on the relationship with my surviving parent. Then I found The Grief Recovery  Method, which allowed me by taking these step by step actions to recovery.  I learnt to trust.  I learnt to love and I reclaimed a very precious relationship with my mother. It changed my life and allowed me to look back in the past without seeing the pain and hurt.

You can also take this action.  You can also change the way you feel.  Why not make the resolution this year to let go of the emotional pain and hurt you are carrying around with you?  Why not take control of your life and not let your pain hold you back?

As an Advanced Grief Recovery Specialist, I am trained to take you through The Grief Recovery Process step by step and hold your hand the whole way through it. If you want to make that move click the link below and go to my profile page.

Sara Louise - Helping Children with Loss

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